


I Told You So

by Thebiwife



Series: Love & Loss [8]
Category: ER (TV 1994)
Genre: Drug Abuse, F/M, Song: Happiness (Hobo Johnson)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:06:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28069770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thebiwife/pseuds/Thebiwife
Summary: Drug Abuse puts Carter and Anna's personal and professional relationship in the balance
Relationships: John Carter/Anna Del Amico
Series: Love & Loss [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2033827
Kudos: 6





	I Told You So

_“I Told You So - A Plea from your Child’s Paediatrician,”_ Carter read aloud from the cover of Anna’s manuscript. “Are you really at that point in your career when you’re ready to publish a - forgive me - preachy medical manifesto?”

“Hey! Who said it’s _preachy?_ ” Anna stuffed her laundry into the machine. _“_ Let alone ready for publishing!?”

Doing Laundry together had become a routine for Drs. Carter and Del Amico; since Carter had first used Laundry and Taxes as an excuse for them to spend time together, they now did it every week. 

“Besides, these are the stories I’ll forget when I try and write them down in the future. And the sheer number of cases we must see where the parents could have completely avoided anything being wrong with the kid if they just _listened to us_ in the first place, somebody has to make a point of it.”

“I know,” Carter sighed.

“It’s just good to get someone else’s opinion on the manuscript.”

Carter beamed with pride.

“Like, not just yours, eventually I’ll have to get it proof read by non-medics too. It just helps to know I’m not just entirely inside my own head and other people see it and get it too.”

“What do you mean?”

“Look at this case from today: the grandmother was so concerned that her grandson wasn't seeing _Doug Ross_ that she failed to listen to me when I tried to tell her the problem wasn't asthma. Of course, Dr. Ross confirmed the diagnosis, strongyloides."

"Yeah, and it sucks, but this place will never change, people are creatures of habit. They want the same doctor, the same answers, the same treatment... then they have to get way worse before they listen to you."

"Or at best, they ignore us, and their symptoms stay the same." Anna sighed. "So what about my book?"  
  
He puts it down, read in full, that lovely little book titled, _I Told You So_. "You were right Anna," Carter said. "I can see it now, New York Times bestseller. You'll be fucking world renowned"

"It's not too angry...or _preachy?"_

"Yeah, you're thoroughly mad at the world..."

* * *

Seeing Chase in the back of that limo...Carter didn't know what to do, or how to cope.

 _Heroin_ , he couldn't ever do that...but there must be something that could help him. A pick me up. _Serotonin._

Or pain pills in the back of Kerry Weaver's locker, the one he knew the combination to...

* * *

"Carter! Have you read my next draft yet?"

He opened his locker and threw the draft across the room back at her.

And he yelled, "Anna, that's so _fucking_ dumb."

"Excuse me?" she asked, pure confusion in her eyes.

"To think that life just hands you some book, that you barely have to write, that _anyone_ wants to read that...It's gonna take like fucking 4 or 5 bad books nobody would ever like for you to makea lasting impression on _anyone_."

She stopped dead in her steps, aghast. "That's easy for you to say."

"Anna, I _want_ you to make a success of it...for you to live that wonderful life."

"The kind of life you and your family have, you mean?"

Anna del Amico didn't look like she could ever cry. 

That night she cried.

* * *

Well, those two pills he took felt very nice.

But what led him to break Anna, and her lovely little heart?

* * *

Carter sat with his cousin, beers in hand.

"And she's right, she's gonna write that book. That's gonna make me look like a fucking fool."

"Like you don't already," Chase laughed at his cousin's expense.

* * *

Thinking about the dumb words he said when he was a bit too high, Carter lay in bed with the last draft Anna had entrusted to him, he couldn't help but stare at every word, so hard his stare would burn holes in even these Swedish mattresses that cost over $60k.

 _But so what?_ he thought to himself. _I'm never gonna change. I'll probably get way worse, at best, stay the same._

_So, I will sit and I will drink myself_

_To either to sleep or my untimely death_

_Either way, I hope that you don't cry, you know?_

_It's just a part of life. Chase's father knows; Cirrhosis is a tough way to go_

_So when we drink a lot after my shift, Chase shooting up, p retending that we're not even scared at all._

_Genetics are what make me go to bed because t here's something that's inside my head, t hat will click. It's either that or I will drink until I'm dead._

_Like Chase's Dad._

_So I sit and I will think, a bout this life; if I even like it._

_But I know that I'm gonna find a little bit of h appiness._

* * *

It's 2019. 

_I see that beautiful blonde Doctor on TV, selling her book, the one which I'd helped to draft._

_I still have the manuscript, I think it's in my house or somewhere, but I am turning over every stone, and I will search the fucking depths of this stupid place my kids have to call home_

_In order just to smile a little bit, but you know_

_Anna del Amico; I'm thoroughly in love with you_

_And yeah, I'm really scared that may never change._

_But I'm so fucking done being so afraid._

* * *

Dear Dr. Del Amico, 

Congratulations on the book _Anna._

I'm so sorry.

I'm an addict. I won't ever change.

But I really hope that you found happiness.

I miss you.

Dr. John T. Carter, M.D. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not naturally a huge fan of John Carter, so this chapter was a struggle for me to say the least, hence using the song to provide a narrative that I just...fleshed out? I suppose. I hope you like it! I'm still unsure...


End file.
